No matter what our age, a healthy sex life can bring about a whole range of very positive physical and emotional benefits – making us feel vibrant, confident… and very much alive!
As well as helping to improve heart health, blood flow and lower our blood pressure, it can also reduce stress and help us sleep better, and give a boost to our immune system – helping us ward off infections and illnesses
But (and for many of us, it’s a very big but), what if you feel anxious and lacking in confidence, and, shall we say, rusty having perhaps been on your own for several years following separation or the bereavement of a partner you’ve been with since your younger days. The very thought of getting intimate again with a new partner can be genuinely scary.
Communicate
Feeling anxious and lacking in confidence is totally normal and understandable… you’re only human, after all! So talking as openly and as honestly as you can with your partner about your fears, concerns and desires is going to be enormously helpful. This would also be a good time to talk about any health issues you have or the effects of certain medication that you may be on.
Take it slow
A very good way to take away any pressure is to be patient and take things slowly – if you don’t feel ready, don’t rush! Take the time to really get to know each before becoming physically intimate – this isn’t the sixth form disco, so relax; just trust yourself that you will find your way as you enter this new phase of your life.
Self-care
Taking good care of yourself – physically and mentally – can be a real boost to your confidence. Eating healthily, doing regular exercise, spending time with family and friends and unwinding with your favourite hobby or pastime will all help you feel at one with yourself – in your mind… and your body.
Seek professional help
If you’re really struggling with anxiety or lack of confidence, it could well be worth seeking the help of a professional therapist or counsellor. As well as really listening to you, they will be trained to give you the tools and strategies to help you manage your anxiety – and ultimately feel more confident in yourself and your relationship.
Problems “down below”
It’s not uncommon for both men and women to experience physical changes in their bodies as they get older that may affect their sexual function. While some men may struggle to get an erection – or struggle to maintain the erection – some women may be anxious about being too tense and dry for sexual penetration. Certainly, taking some of the steps mentioned above can go a long way to alleviate the overall anxiety than can cause “malfunction”. However, there are several treatment options available to help; for men, oral medications such as Viagra, Levitra, Staxyn, Cialis and Stendra can be very effective. However, it’s important to talk to your doctor before starting any new medication to make sure it’s safe and appropriate for you.
Meanwhile, for menopausal or post-menopausal women, according to Mother & Baby magazine, lubricants such as Durex Natural Pure, Sylk and Pjur all come highly recommended.
Sexual health
Worryingly, many older people make the assumption that they are somehow immune from “catching something nasty” because of their age and preconceptions about their partner. However, according to Age UK, STD’s (sexually transmitted diseases) or STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) are actually on the increase among the older generation.
So using a barrier method of contraception such as a condom can massively reduce the risk of STIs – according to Healthline, by up to 98% if used correctly. For those with latex allergies, there are non-latex options available. It’s also important to practice good hygiene and get regular STI checks to treat any infections as quickly and as early as possible. You can also try other forms of sexual activity that come with practically no risk of any infections, such as mutual masturbation or using sex toys.
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